Woody allen Quotes

"The lion and the calf shall l...

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18
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"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think ...

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03
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β€œDeath is a funny thing. Not funny haha, ...

β€œDeath is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange like a Woody Allen marriage.” -Norm Macdonald
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15
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Love is the answer - but while you'...

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17
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β€œLife doesn't imitate...

β€œLife doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.” ― Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31
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"Most of the time I don't have mu...

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29
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On bisexuality: It immediatel...

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19
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I don't want to achieve immortali...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. ~ Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18
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To you I'm an atheist...

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21
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The difference between sex and...

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18
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"I tended to plac...

"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16
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"On the plus side, death is one of...

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20
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"Organized crime in America takes in ove...

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07
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"Eternity is really...

"Eternity is really long, especially near the end." --Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14
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"Students achieving ...

"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14
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"You can live to be a hundred if you ...

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29
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"You can live to be a hundred if you ...

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01
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"Not only is there no Go...

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08
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"My one regret in li...

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24
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I'm not afraid of death; I...

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens ― Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18
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"Life is full of misery, loneli...

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26
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"My education was dismal. I went...

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07
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"It's not that I'm afraid to ...

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13
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"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad pe...

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22
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'To you, I'm an atheis...

'To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.' ~ Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17
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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'kn...

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07
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"How is it possible to find mea...

"How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?" β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21
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"Life is divided int...

"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10
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"It is impossible to experien...

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20
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"Love is the answer, but while you'r...

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15
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"I am not afraid of death, ...

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07
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"Love is the answer, but while you're wait...

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." Woody Allen *Happy Valentine* :p
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13
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"To you I'm an atheist...

"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06
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β€œI'm not afraid of death; I...

β€œI'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.” ― Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22
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In my house I'm the bos...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20
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"I can’t listen to that much ...

"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24
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"We all fear death and question our place in the univers...

"We all fear death and question our place in the universe. The artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08
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"Eighty percent ...

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30
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"You can laugh at Joh...

"You can laugh at Johnny Knoxville and Woody Allen" - Seth MacFarlane
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25
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"Eighty percent ...

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." –Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27
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I don't want to achieve immortali...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my works. I want to achieve it through not dying - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08
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β€œIf Jesus came back and saw what was bei...

β€œIf Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.” ― Woody Allen, Hannah and Her Sisters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12
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The difference between sex and death is...

The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26
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Some guy hit my fender, and I tol...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. – Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad p...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. - woody allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21
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'The advantage of being intelligent, is that...

'The advantage of being intelligent, is that we can always play stupid, however being the opposite is completely impossible' - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18
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"I believe there is something ou...

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government." -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25
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We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair an...

We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. β€”Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08
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"Eighty percent ...

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24
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Sex without love is a meaningless expe...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21
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"Life is full of misery, loneli...

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." -- Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 30
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β€œSex without love is an empty exp...

β€œSex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.” -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27
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β€œI'm not afraid of death; I...

β€œI'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.” ― Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10
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"Tradition is th...

"Tradition is the illusion of permanence" - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02
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A relationship, I think, is like a ...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. (Woody Allen)
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18
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β€œI cheated on my metaphysical final in...

β€œI cheated on my metaphysical final in college. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” -- Woody Allen.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19
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β€œI was one of the few guys rooting for the c...

β€œI was one of the few guys rooting for the comet to hit the Earth. Statistically, more people that deserved to go would go.” - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08
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Differences of opinion should be tolerate...

Differences of opinion should be tolerated, but not when they're too different.β€”Miss America contestant in Woody Allen's "Bananas"
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26
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"Sex without love is a meaningless expe...

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15
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β€œA fast word about oral contrace...

β€œA fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said β€˜no.'" Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07
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"I sometimes do have the intimation ...

"I sometimes do have the intimation that we all may be part of something larger β€” like a Ponzi scheme." β€”Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15
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"Sex without love is a meaningless expe...

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19
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"Is sex dirty? O...

"Is sex dirty? Only when it's done right." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28
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"Everyone's knows the same truth...

"Everyone's knows the same truth... and our lives consist of how we choose to distort it." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11
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"I don't want to live on in the h...

"I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment." -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31
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β€œIs sex dirty? ...

β€œIs sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07
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"I don't want to achieve immorta...

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying." ―Woody Allen,
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12
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I don’t want to achieve immorta...

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04
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Eighty percent ...

Eighty percent of success is showing up. -Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09
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"Just don't take any c...

"Just don't take any course where you have to read Beowulf." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17
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"The lion and the calf shall l...

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28
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"You see me as an atheis...

"You see me as an atheist. God sees me as the loyal opposition." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02
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"The avaricious studios couldn't care less about good films – if they get ...

"The avaricious studios couldn't care less about good films – if they get a good film they're twice as happy but money-making films are their goal. They only want these $100 million pictures that make $500 million." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14
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Eighty percent o...

Eighty percent of success is turning up. β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05
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