Wife Quotes

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychi...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist two plumbers, and a bartender. ...Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16
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...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender a...

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. ...Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16
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My wife was afraid of the dark. The...

My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light. ...Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15
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"By all means marry: if you get a good w...

"By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher." - Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12
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"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the ...

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart." H.L. Mencken, Minority Report
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28
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My first wife, I'll ...

My first wife, I'll never forget her β€” and I've tried. ...Redd Foxx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09
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β€œI am glad we have been bombed. Now we can look the E...

β€œI am glad we have been bombed. Now we can look the East End in the face.” β€” Queen Elizabeth (wife of King George VI), after Buckingham Palace was bombed during WWII
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12
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"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is c...

"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is." β€”Jay Neugeboren
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01
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My wife has a slight impediment ...

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ...Jimmy Durante
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04
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"I tended to plac...

"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." β€” Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16
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When a man brings his wife...

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there is a reason. - Molly McGee -
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16
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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. ...

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." β€” Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26
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When a man opens a car door f...

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06
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"By all means marry; if you get a good ...

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." β€” Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11
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"By all means marry: if you get a good w...

"By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher" - Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15
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β€œBut life, they said, means life. Dying inside. The Devil was evil, mad, b...

β€œBut life, they said, means life. Dying inside. The Devil was evil, mad, but I was the Devil's wife which made me worse. I howled in my cell. If the Devil is gone then how could this be hell?β€œ -Carol Anne Duffy, The World’s Wife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20
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"I take my wife everywher...

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." β€” Henny Youngman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11
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"The man who says his wife ...

"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." - Oscar Wilde
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07
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β€œThe greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the worl...

β€œThe greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed.” ―SΓΈren Kierkegaard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20
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Pick a wife that would be the...

Pick a wife that would be the best man in your wedding if she wasn’t already standing up in it.
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27
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β€œIf I had known what it meant to love, I wouldn't have had children, because once we...

β€œIf I had known what it meant to love, I wouldn't have had children, because once we love, we love forever, like Uncle Two's wife, Step-aunt Two, who can't stop loving her gambler son, the son who is burning up the family fortune like a pyromaniac.” β€” Kim ThΓΊy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11
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β€œWhen a man opens a car door for his...

β€œWhen a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.” - Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll b...

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. -Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24
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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. ...

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." β€” Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16
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"I'm not a real movie star. I've sti...

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago." β€” Will Rogers
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18
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"I haven't spoken to my wife...

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." β€” Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08
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The years slipped by almost without my noticing, and one morning I awoke to discover I had a wi...

The years slipped by almost without my noticing, and one morning I awoke to discover I had a wife and three kids. It was a surprise I can tell you. Nobody seemed to know where they had come from. I also had a job, which was an even bigger surprise. - β€œMountain Goats Never Say Cheese,” McManus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11
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Men should get vasectomies and keep it secret. When you...

Men should get vasectomies and keep it secret. When your girlfriend/wife says we're pregnant you now know you been fucking a trash can. Congratulations pops! By: WhoadyMac
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01
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"Most men, the herd, have never tasted solitude. They leave father and mo...

"Most men, the herd, have never tasted solitude. They leave father and mother, but only to crawl to a wife and quietly succumb to new warmth and new ties. They are never alone, they never commune with themselves" -Hermann Hesse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04
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Looking for the source of that...

Looking for the source of that quote "Don't kill me, I've got wife and kids! Kill THEM instead!"
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08
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My wife and I we...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29
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My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of t...

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10
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"By all means marry; if you get a good ...

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." β€” Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05
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"My wife and I were happ...

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." β€” Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30
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"Bigamy is having one ...

"Bigamy is having one wife too many, Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08
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Never laugh at y...

Never laugh at your wife's choices...you're one of them.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21
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"What a life without...

"What a life without a wife, but what a life with one" - My Grandpa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21
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"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is c...

"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is." – Jay Neugeboren
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22
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Never laugh at yo...

Never laugh at your wife's decisions. Your one of them!πŸ€”
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06
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β€œHe who wakes his slumbe...

β€œHe who wakes his slumbering wife shall prepare for the wrath of her fury” - Me
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18
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β€œFatty bacon i...

β€œFatty bacon is the best bacon.” -my wife just now
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14
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One man's fol...

One man's folly is another man's wife. - Quote
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17
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"By all means marry; if you get a good w...

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher..." - Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12
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"This is like th...

"This is like the Mondayest, Wednesday, ever." -My Wife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05
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β€œIn Russia a man is called reactionary if...

β€œIn Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.” Churchill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23
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A good marriage would be b...

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15
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A man who treats his wi...

A man who treats his wife as a queen is proof that he was raised by a queen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07
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Somewhere out there in africa there are peop...

Somewhere out there in africa there are people more brilliant than Einstein working hard to feed their wife and child. We would never know.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19
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"By all means, marry. If you get a good ...

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05
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"My wife and I were ha...

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13
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"There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man ...

"There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it." -Ernest Hemingway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14
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"Bigamy is having one ...

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18
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" so I guess the type of husband I am trying to be is to have treated my wife...

" so I guess the type of husband I am trying to be is to have treated my wife in a way that when all is said and done, when our lives have passed, when we meet in heaven inshAllah and she could choose anyone, she would still choose me. "
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26
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Intelligence is the wife, im...

Intelligence is the wife, imagination is the mistress, memory is the servant -Victor Hugo-
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02
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β€œYou can go out for lunch, relax at hom...

β€œYou can go out for lunch, relax at home, sit in the park, or anything that will make your wife feel special” - Zaffar Khan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15
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To your wife, her birthday is a d...

To your wife, her birthday is a day to be celebrated and she should be made to feel special.” Zaffar Khan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15
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"Every day, I am getting closer to you." - Na...

"Every day, I am getting closer to you." - Napoleon Bonaparte, in a letter (dated Nov 2, 1812) to his wife as his army retreated from Russia.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15
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"He had a wife, a job and a little girl, and except under extraordinary co...

"He had a wife, a job and a little girl, and except under extraordinary conditions of elation or depression was inclined to consider that to be an adequate bargain struck with life." From the short story Franchise by Isaac Asimov
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21
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In my house I'm the bos...

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." - Woody Allen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20
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"Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person...

"Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him." ~Art Buchwald
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23
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β€œSome people claim that marriage interferes with ro...

β€œSome people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” ― Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06
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β€œYou can go out for lunch, relax at hom...

β€œYou can go out for lunch, relax at home, sit in the park, or anything that will make your wife feel special” - Zaffar Khan
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01
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'By all means marry; if you get a good ...

'By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher,' - Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12
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β€œBy all means marry; if you get a good ...

β€œBy all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher” – Socrates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22
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By all means, marry. If you get a go...

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18
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A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, maki...

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you. ~Jimmy Fallon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24
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