Toilet Quotes

"These were people who believed everything ab...

"These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.” - P.J. O'Rourke
📅︎ Mar 16
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"If people are determined to be offended - if they will climb up on the ladder, balanci...

"If people are determined to be offended - if they will climb up on the ladder, balancing it precariously on their own toilet cistern to be upset by what they see through the neighbour's bathroom window - there is nothing you can do about that." -- Christopher Hitchens
📅︎ May 26
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“You know what’s an odd feeling...

“You know what’s an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.” - George Carlin
📅︎ Aug 01
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We are now in the 21st century: all books, including the Koran, sh...

We are now in the 21st century: all books, including the Koran, should be fair game for flushing down the toilet without fear of violent reprisal." -- Sam Harris (10 October 2005). "Bombing Our Illusions"
📅︎ May 05
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"I grew up understanding what it was like to not have health insurance for eight yea...

"I grew up understanding what it was like to not have health insurance for eight years. So this idea that I’m somehow the “Hollywood elite” and this guy [Trump] who takes a shit in a gold toilet is somehow the man of the people is laughable." -George Clooney
📅︎ Sep 25
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Life is like a roll of toilet pape...

Life is like a roll of toilet paper at first it goes by slow but as you get older it seems to go by very fast
📅︎ Feb 16
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"Toilet paper is a lot like lif...

"Toilet paper is a lot like life in general, the closer you get to the end the faster it seems to go"
📅︎ Jun 09
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You know an odd feeling? Sit...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. George Carlin
📅︎ Mar 12
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"A house with 5 bathrooms is nice, but I fou...

"A house with 5 bathrooms is nice, but I found out that no matter how hard I try I can only sit on one toilet at a time." Oliver Brandhouse
📅︎ Jan 28
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"As many different toilets as ...

"As many different toilets as I’ve pooped in, I’ve never found one more comfortable than my own."
📅︎ Dec 25
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"Who invented the brush th...

"Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!" - Andy Andrews
📅︎ May 14
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I've done everything from cleaning toilet...

I've done everything from cleaning toilets to calculating the cross sections of neutrons, I'm pretty flexible. ~ Quote from my dad
📅︎ Sep 01
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"Life is like a roll of toilet pa...

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper, as you get near the end it goes quicker" - my 88 year old neighbour.
📅︎ May 21
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"There's something strangely satisf...

"There's something strangely satisfying about taking a massive shit in the toilet you were just paid to clean."
📅︎ Sep 27
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"I felt like shit this morning, but when I plopped ...

"I felt like shit this morning, but when I plopped myself down on the toilet, everything that was wrong in the world flew out of my ass like a bat out of hell."
📅︎ Apr 07
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Do not judge a person by the toi...

Do not judge a person by the toilet paper they buy, but by the way that person wipes their ass. - Chet-
📅︎ Aug 11
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"Rush to finish a perisistent sto...

"Rush to finish a perisistent stool and you will find yourself back at the toilet in no time." - Me, today
📅︎ May 15
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"I don´t believe in religion since th...

"I don´t believe in religion since that stuff was written before toilet paper was invented." Rolf Eden about religion.
📅︎ Nov 11
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Most of the time it ain't the siz...

Most of the time it ain't the size of the shit that clogs the toilet, it's how much toilet paper you use.
📅︎ Jan 10
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