Rodney dangerfield Quotes

My wife was afraid of the dark. The...

My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light. ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Mar 15
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle ...

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home. ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Feb 10
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...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender a...

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Mar 16
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a ...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it' ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Mar 16
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychi...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist two plumbers, and a bartender. ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Mar 16
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My mother had morning...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born. ...Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Feb 10
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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. ...

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Sep 26
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"I haven't spoken to my wife...

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Apr 08
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“Me and my dad used ...

“Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive.” – Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Jun 17
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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. ...

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ May 16
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"My wife and I were happ...

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Aug 30
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"I went to a fight the oth...

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Jun 20
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"A girl phoned me the other day and said ...

"A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Mar 19
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"A girl phoned me the other day and said ...

"A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Jul 30
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"When I was a kid my parent...

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." — Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Sep 20
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"My wife and I were ha...

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Oct 13
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I found there was only one w...

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. -Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Dec 07
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy an...

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Oct 13
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"My wife and I were hap...

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years- then we met." -Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Dec 24
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"I met the surgeon gene...

"I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette." - Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Sep 22
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“My wife and I were happ...

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Feb 29
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My wife likes to talk to me when s...

My wife likes to talk to me when she's having sex. Last night she called me from Chicago. -Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Apr 14
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Rodney Dangerfield had this view:,"People always ask me, if I'm a leg man, ...

Rodney Dangerfield had this view:,"People always ask me, if I'm a leg man, a breast man or an ass man. I figure I must be an ass man. People yell at me all the time...YOU'RE AN ASS, MAN!!!",Also:,"You know what's really frustrating…
📅︎ Nov 06
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My life is like Rodney Dangerfie...

My life is like Rodney Dangerfield said, "I get no respect, no respect at all", but it isn't that funny.
📅︎ Jul 10
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"I have good looking kids....

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. " - Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Jan 23
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"I haven't spoken to my wife...

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield
📅︎ Apr 16
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