Joke Quotes

โ€œTheir morals, their code; it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. The...

โ€œTheir morals, their code; it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see- I'll show you. When the chips are down these, uh, civilized people? They'll eat each otherโ€-Joker, The Dark Knight.
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 16
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Hi, Please Help, Iโ€™m trying find a quote that I read in the newspape...

Hi, Please Help, Iโ€™m trying find a quote that I read in the newspaper longtime ago, It goes like this โ€œI Hope life is just a sick joke because I just didnโ€™t get itโ€ I canโ€™t find the original I tried, please help!
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 14
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โ€œThey tell us that we live in a great free republic; that ou...

โ€œThey tell us that we live in a great free republic; that our institutions are democratic; that we are a free and self-governing people. This is too much, even for a joke.โ€ -Eugene V. Debs
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 17
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Graham Norton: "Are you planning a family?" Ed Byrne: "I donโ€™t know. Iโ€™m 37 now so, you know, eve...

Graham Norton: "Are you planning a family?" Ed Byrne: "I donโ€™t know. Iโ€™m 37 now so, you know, even if I have a kid tomorrow, god knows what age Iโ€™ll be by the time my daughterโ€™s friends are all sixteen, so whatโ€™s the point? Thatโ€™s my American Beauty joke, Thank you." - Ed Byrne, Graham Norton Show
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03
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"It's a name. I didn't wake up one morning and go, 'You know what, I'm g...

"It's a name. I didn't wake up one morning and go, 'You know what, I'm going to call myself...' It started as a joke name really. I'm OK with it, you know? You know, it's better than being called an asshole." -Ozzy Osbourne
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 26
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"If you want to see how much power someone ha...

"If you want to see how much power someone has, watch when they make a joke that isn't funny- and see how many people laugh anyways." -Unknown
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 27
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โ€œIn every jo...

โ€œIn every joke there is a half of the truthโ€
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 07
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I don't make jokes. I jus...

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -Will Rogers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 21
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"You can't take yourself seriously. I learned that being a straight man. Th...

"You can't take yourself seriously. I learned that being a straight man. That's what I do on Just a Minute - laugh at myself and they make jokes at my expense. But that's what life's about, isn't it? Having fun." - Nicholas Parsons
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28
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"So let's go out with a bang. Let's have a laugh at your expe...

"So let's go out with a bang. Let's have a laugh at your expense, shall we. Remember, they're just jokes, we're all gonna die soon and there's no sequel." -Ricky Gervais, Golden Globes 2020
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07
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โ€œEvery joke is...

โ€œEvery joke is a tiny revolutionโ€ - George Orwell
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 12
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โ€œEvery joke is...

โ€œEvery joke is a tiny revolution.โ€ - George Orwell
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 10
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"The gods too...

"The gods too are fond of a joke." โ€” Aristotle
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 23
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"A joke's a ver...

"A joke's a very serious thing." โ€” Charles Churchill
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 15
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Itโ€™s better to d...

Itโ€™s better to die a joke than to live a joke โ€ฌ -CH047
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24
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โ€œLike a four-legged animal ente...

โ€œLike a four-legged animal entering a drinking establishment, being is a terrible joke...โ€ -Exurb1a
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 30
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โ€œExplaining a joke is like dissecting...

โ€œExplaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.โ€ โ€” E.B. White
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 05
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"Life, all of it, is a j...

"Life, all of it, is a joke. To be born, to die... what a prank!" -- Miguel Gila
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 17
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"I'm grateful for every s...

"I'm grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make." -Bo Burnham
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02
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In a way, it seems like the cruelest joke in exis...

In a way, it seems like the cruelest joke in existence has been played on us. We became self-aware only to realize this story is not about us. - Kurzgesagt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 11
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โ€œA fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it ...

โ€œA fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke." - Soren Kierkegaard
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 06
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"People ask โ€œwhy do you make jokes when you should be tweeting about politics?โ€ Because politics ...

"People ask โ€œwhy do you make jokes when you should be tweeting about politics?โ€ Because politics isnโ€™t everything; because weโ€™re not obligated to binge the worldโ€™s horrors; because weโ€™re allowed to enjoy our books or our coffee or whatever things bring us hope and happiness." - The Library Haunter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16
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"The problem with poli...

"The problem with political jokes is they get elected." โ€” Henry Cate VII
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22
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"Everybody tells jok...

"Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians." โ€” Jimmy Wales
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 23
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โ€œIf your life isnโ€™t just a joke th...

โ€œIf your life isnโ€™t just a joke then why are we laughing?โ€ -Dead by My Chemical Romance (black parade album)
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 23
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โ€œThe world is indeed c...

โ€œThe world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.โ€ - H. P. Lovecraft
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 07
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"Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some ...

"Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing." Carol Burnett
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 30
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"The man who says his wife ...

"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." - Oscar Wilde
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 07
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"One should be carefu...

"One should be careful in making a joke not to become a joke," -Unknown
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 01
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All jo...

All jokes root from truth
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 07
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Everything is changing. People...

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16
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"The best ideas come as joke...

"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible." โ€” David M. Ogilvy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 05
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"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from break...

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself." โ€” Jessamyn West
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 02
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"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, ...

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." โ€” Dame Edna Everage
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 12
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"Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say ...

"Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say - it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything, and a lousy joke at that." Carlos Ruiz Zafรณn - The Shadow of the Wind
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01
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"Everything the Soviets told us about Communi...

"Everything the Soviets told us about Communism was a lie. Unfortunately, everything they told us about Capitalism was true." -- Russian joke
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 27
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"The most fucked up joke life ca...

"The most fucked up joke life can play on you is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time."
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 27
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"Donโ€™t be fooled into thinking that everyone is your friend. Just because they hang around you do...

"Donโ€™t be fooled into thinking that everyone is your friend. Just because they hang around you doesnโ€™t mean they are your friends. People pretend well. They will laugh with you & joke around with you. At the end of the day, when push comes to shove, theyโ€™ll be exposed. Take heed." - Mufti Menk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 15
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"I used to have a book ful...

"I used to have a book full of minimalism jokes, but I got rid of it." โ€“ Joshua Becker
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 14
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"I hope life isn't a ...

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." โ€” Jack Handey
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 26
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"Living is a pretty gr...

"Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same." - L Ron. Hubbard
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26
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"My way of joking is to tell t...

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world." -George Bernard Shaw
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11
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"Eternity is a mere mo...

"Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke." โ€” Hermann Hesse
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 16
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"Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always...

"Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful." โ€” Kurt Vonnegut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 31
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"Everything is changing. People are ...

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke." - Will Rogers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 07
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โ€œA comedian can only make fu...

โ€œA comedian can only make fun till someone is laughing at his jokes.โ€ โ€• Krishnendu Pramanick
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 09
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Iโ€™ll look for the joke in thin...

Iโ€™ll look for the joke in things so that I donโ€™t look for the sadness and the grief- Ryan Reynolds
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 25
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"Smile to life,even when it...

"Smile to life,even when its jokes are in bad taste and demand cheers" (William Ventura)
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 24
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"The best ideas come as joke...

"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible." โ€” David M. Ogilvy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 21
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"Humor is always based on a modicu...

"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?" โ€” Dick Clark
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 07
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"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from break...

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself." โ€” Jessamyn West
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 20
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"More evidence my 14yr old daughter is a Geek: ...

"More evidence my 14yr old daughter is a Geek: after prompting me to ask if she knew any jokes about sodium, she replied, โ€œNaโ€ โ€” Neil deGrasse Tyson
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 28
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โ€œA serious and good philosophical ...

โ€œA serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.โ€ โ€” Ludwig Wittgenstein
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 05
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To break the ice I send pictures of pe...

To break the ice I send pictures of pens, theyโ€™re unsolicited Bic pics. Part joke, part commentary. -u/Kapitalist_Pigdog
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06
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The most fucked up joke life ca...

The most fucked up joke life can play on you is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time.
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 18
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"Only jokes that have a purpose ru...

"Only jokes that have a purpose run the risk of meeting with people who do not want to listen to them" - Freud
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 29
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"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, ...

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." โ€” Dame Edna Everage
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 20
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"Life can indeed be absurd sometimes, but we must...

"Life can indeed be absurd sometimes, but we mustn't joke too much -- we may be lucky enough to figure out who to blame at some point." ~ Oscar Wildebeast
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 22
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So many people believe the crown prince [of Saudi Arabia] was involve...

So many people believe the crown prince [of Saudi Arabia] was involved in the killing [of Jamal Khashoggi] that Washington insiders joke that M.B.S [Mohammad bin Salman]stands for Mister Bone Saw ~ Stephen Colbert
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 18
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I don't make jokes. I jus...

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -Will Rogers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01
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"There is no such thing as an a...

"There is no such thing as an appropriate joke, that's why it's a joke." -Michael Scott, The Office
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25
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