Groucho marx Quotes

β€œIf we had some eggs, we c...

β€œIf we had some eggs, we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.” β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14
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β€œI find television very educational. Eve...

β€œI find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book." ... Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07
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"Time flies like an a...

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09
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"I refuse to join any ...

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09
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Why should I care about p...

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09
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β€œOutside of a dog, a book is man...

β€œOutside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” ― Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17
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"I've had a perfectly w...

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10
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"Money frees you from doing things you...

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06
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"Military intelligen...

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25
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"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT...

"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14
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"My mother loved children -- ...

"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04
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"Those are my principles, an...

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06
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"Outside of a dog, a book is man...

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23
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"I'd never join a clu...

"I'd never join a club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17
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"Go, and never d...

"Go, and never darken my towels again." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13
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"She got her looks from...

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03
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Those are my principles, a...

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25
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"Time flies like an a...

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." -- Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26
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"A black cat crossing your pa...

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08
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"Either this man is...

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28
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Whoever named it ne...

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11
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"Those are my principles...

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." --Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, ...

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.” -- Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16
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β€œLearn from the mistakes of others...

β€œLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26
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Those are my principles, a...

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31
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β€œI find television very educating. Every ...

β€œI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27
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"Those are my principles, an...

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19
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Time flies like an a...

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. ~ Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27
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The secret of life is honesty an...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. β€”Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01
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I refuse to join any c...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18
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"I refuse to join any ...

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, ...

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, ...

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -- Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23
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"I, not events, have the power to m...

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." – Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15
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"Military justice is to ...

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." β€” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11
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Whoever named it ne...

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04
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"I'm not crazy about reality. ...

"I'm not crazy about reality. But it's still the only place to get a decent meal" - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09
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"I never forget a face, but ...

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31
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"Money frees you from doing things you...

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12
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"Outside of a dog, a book is a m...

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30
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β€œSome people claim that marriage interferes with ro...

β€œSome people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” ― Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06
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β€œSincerity is the key to succ...

β€œSincerity is the key to success. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” -- Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18
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Those are my principles, an...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29
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I intend to live...

I intend to live forever, or die trying. -- Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02
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β€œLearn from the mistakes of others...

β€œLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” ― Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26
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β€œI’ve had a perfectly w...

β€œI’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25
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Outside of a dog, a book is a m...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17
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The secret of life is honesty an...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26
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"Kids today are detestable...and it's no good saying that the ones you read about a...

"Kids today are detestable...and it's no good saying that the ones you read about are a minority. They're not a minority of they're all yours and you have to wait for the car to get home to know your daughter hasn't got pregnancy or leprosy." -Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26
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Those are my principals an...

Those are my principals and if you don't like them...well, I have others" Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19
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β€œOutside of a dog, a book is ma...

β€œOutside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28
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β€œI find television very educating. Every ...

β€œI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” -Groucho Marx.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03
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β€œA woman is an occasiona...

β€œA woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.” Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06
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"Time flies like an ...

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16
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I refuse to join any ...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.β€”Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20
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"Will you marry me? Are you rich?...

"Will you marry me? Are you rich? Answer the second question first" - Groucho Marx from the film Duck Soup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29
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"I'm not crazy about reality, ...

"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal." - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14
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β€œOutside of a dog, a book is man...

β€œOutside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20
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β€œWhy, look at me. I've worked m...

β€œWhy, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ― Groucho Marx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19
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