Doug Quotes

A real cop fights real crime...

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party. ...Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09
🚨︎ report

β€œNationalism does nothing but teach you to hat...

β€œNationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.” ​ - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03
🚨︎ report

"Accomplishing the impossible mea...

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15
🚨︎ report

"Wisdom is the reward you get for...

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk." - Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12
🚨︎ report

"What some people mistake for th...

"What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02
🚨︎ report

"If the English language made an...

"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27
🚨︎ report

β€œNationalism does nothing but teach you to ha...

β€œNationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.” - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22
🚨︎ report

"If the English language made an...

"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25
🚨︎ report

"The cat could very well be man...

"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21
🚨︎ report

"Boredom is a disease ...

"Boredom is a disease worse than cancer, drugs cure it." - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30
🚨︎ report

"MTV is the lav...

"MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's." β€” Doug Ferrari
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16
🚨︎ report

"Few things are more satisfying t...

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28
🚨︎ report

"A lot of people mistake...

"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29
🚨︎ report

"A weed is a plant that has mastered e...

"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill, except learning how to grow in rows. Be a weed." -Doug Lasrson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27
🚨︎ report

"I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personali...

"I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape." - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17
🚨︎ report

"The surprising thing about y...

"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools." β€” Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15
🚨︎ report

β€œI think being in love ...

β€œI think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.” β€”Doug Hutchison
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06
🚨︎ report

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to ha...

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." -Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22
🚨︎ report

β€œI think being in love ...

β€œI think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.” β€”Doug Hutchison
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03
🚨︎ report

"A child is a person who can't und...

"A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten." ~Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11
🚨︎ report

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together...

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this shit. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this shit, baby. It's hot!" - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24
🚨︎ report

"There's only two types of people who are against d...

"There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs." - Doug Stnahope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24
🚨︎ report

"When you let people do whatever they want, you...

"When you let people do whatever they want, you get Woodstock. But when you let governments do whatever they want, you get Auschwitz." --Doug Newman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13
🚨︎ report

"You don't get harmon...

"You don't get harmony when everyone sings the same note."- Doug Floyd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21
🚨︎ report

Every day do something that...

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow. - Doug Firebaugh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21
🚨︎ report

A weed is a plant that has mastere...

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. -Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27
🚨︎ report

"There's no such thing as addictio...

"There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life." - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19
🚨︎ report

"Complaining that a comic is drunk is like ...

"Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist." - Doug Stnahope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24
🚨︎ report

"There's no such thing as addictio...

"There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life." - Doug Stnahope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24
🚨︎ report

"Traditional marketing talk...

"Traditional marketing talks at people. Content marketing talks with them" - Doug Kessler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08
🚨︎ report

"May you always remember the...

"May you always remember the path that leads back …to the important places." - Doug Woodward
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06
🚨︎ report

Theres no such thing as addictio...

Theres no such thing as addiction theres only things that you enjoy doing more than life - Doug Stanhope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10
🚨︎ report

β€œIf the English language made a...

β€œIf the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.”- Doug Larson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17
🚨︎ report

"The better we get, th...

"The better we get, the better we get at getting better" - Doug Engelbart
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20
🚨︎ report

"We don't have to save the world. The world is big enough to look a...

"We don't have to save the world. The world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about is whether or not the world we live in will be capable of sustaining us in it" - Douglas Adams
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15
🚨︎ report