Demetri martin Quotes

"People only mention it's a ...

"People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty." β€”Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09
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"I like sports bars. Sports bars are great because...

"I like sports bars. Sports bars are great because they collect all of the people I don't want to hang out with, and put them in one room." β€” Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09
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β€œNearly one-half o...

β€œNearly one-half of all Americans are torsos” -Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03
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"When someone describes themse...

"When someone describes themselves as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole" - Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06
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"My computer beat me at ...

"My computer beat me at chess... so I beat it at kickboxing." β€” Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10
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"Nearly one-half of...

"Nearly one-half of all Americans are torsos." β€” Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16
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"My computer beat me at ...

"My computer beat me at chess... so I beat it at kickboxing." β€” Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03
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People only mention it's a f...

People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty. - Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29
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"Glitter is the he...

"Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." ~ Demetri Martin,
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07
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When someone describes themsel...

When someone describes themselves as a taxpayer, they’re about to be an asshole. - Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03
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"I like that they came up with the wor...

"I like that they came up with the word 'crafts'. Because I think 'art and shitty art' sounds too mean." -Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20
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"The world is full of wonder, es...

"The world is full of wonder, especially if you never do any research into anything." - Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16
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"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. An...

"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert." Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14
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