Dave barry Quotes

β€œWithout question, the greatest invention in the history of manki...

β€œWithout question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22
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"What I look forward to ...

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04
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"I think Superman should go on the Larry King sh...

"I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deepl...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. -- Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16
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"Camping is nature's ...

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01
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β€œA person who is nice to yo...

β€œA person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11
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"Eagles may soar, but w...

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." -Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01
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"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's mes...

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19
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β€œIf you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the...

β€œIf you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23
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"We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to n...

"We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19
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β€œIt is better to be r...

β€œIt is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.” β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25
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β€œPeople who want to share their relig...

β€œPeople who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18
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β€œThe one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gend...

β€œThe one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14
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β€œNo matter what happens, so...

β€œNo matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13
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β€œHobbies of any kind are boring except to people who h...

β€œHobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.” ― Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25
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"You can only be young...

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18
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"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's mes...

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03
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"What I look forward to ...

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09
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β€œOnce again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deepl...

β€œOnce again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”-- Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20
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"Although golf was originally restricted to we...

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." β€” Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21
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"A person who is nice to yo...

"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 20
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings. --Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21
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"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen an...

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." -Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25
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"You're only young on...

"You're only young once, but you can always be immature" - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28
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β€œAnother well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de ...

β€œAnother well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it.” –Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02
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""What I look forward to ...

""What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." --Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26
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You can only be young ...

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. --Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03
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"A person who is nice to yo...

"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02
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"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on a...

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03
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Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that...

Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by β€˜they’, I mean β€˜computers’. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.) - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04
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"Not all chemicals are bad. - Without chemicals such a...

"Not all chemicals are bad. - Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02
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"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as...

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deepl...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. - Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21
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*Never be afraid to try something new. Remembe...

*Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. -Dave Barry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07
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