Compute Quotes

“The upshot of all this is that we live in a universe whose age we can't quite compute, surrou...

“The upshot of all this is that we live in a universe whose age we can't quite compute, surrounded by stars whose distances we don't altogether know, filled with matter we can't identify, operating in conformance with physical laws whose properties we don’t truly understand.” ― Bill Bryson
📅︎ Sep 17
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"There is no reason for a...

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." — Ken Olsen
📅︎ Jan 14
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“Family life is not a computer progr...

“Family life is not a computer program that runs on its own; it needs continual input from everyone.” ― Neil Kurshan
📅︎ Feb 19
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“Before you marry a person, you should fi...

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
📅︎ Dec 20
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"The only legitimate u...

"The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games." - Eugene Jarvis
📅︎ Jan 16
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"A brain is a lot like a computer. It wi...

"A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up." - Erma Bombeck
📅︎ Jan 27
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"In a few minutes a computer can make a ...

"In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it." — Unknown
📅︎ Nov 22
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“Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at com...

“Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.” — Peter Gibbons
📅︎ Aug 26
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All empires will fall; you just hav...

All empires will fall; you just have to know where to push. - some old computer game I can't remember the title
📅︎ Sep 15
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"I am rarely happier than when spending an entire day program...

"I am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand." - Douglas Adams
📅︎ May 28
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"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but to...

"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it." — Pierre Gallois
📅︎ Sep 11
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Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at comput...

Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements! —Peter Gibbons, Office Space
📅︎ Aug 04
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Making mistakes & errors is ju...

Making mistakes & errors is just being human but to really fuck things up you need a computer. - unknown
📅︎ Aug 03
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"Success is more a function of consi...

"Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius." - An Wang, computer engineer, inventor
📅︎ Jul 27
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"The compute...

"The computer is a moron." — Peter Drucker
📅︎ Jul 26
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"A computer once beat me at ...

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing." - Emo Philips
📅︎ Jul 08
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"Before you marry a person, you should first...

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are." — Will Ferrell
📅︎ Oct 15
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"To err is human, but to re...

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer." — Farmers' Almanac
📅︎ Jul 29
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The exponential economic growth is pure fiction, which creates clouds of electrons that flow thro...

The exponential economic growth is pure fiction, which creates clouds of electrons that flow through computers masquerading as money.These electrons further concentrate wealth and do real physical harm to the Earth by generating tidal waves of capital that wash away the still functioning ecosystems
📅︎ Jun 28
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"My computer beat me at ...

"My computer beat me at chess... so I beat it at kickboxing." — Demetri Martin
📅︎ Jul 10
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“I think there is a world ...

“I think there is a world market for about five computers.” —Thomas J. Watson (1943)
📅︎ Feb 20
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"Before you marry a person, you should first...

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are." — Will Ferrell
📅︎ Apr 25
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"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the comp...

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." — Robert X. Cringely
📅︎ Aug 26
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"We live in an age when you say casually to somebody 'What’s the story on that?' and ...

"We live in an age when you say casually to somebody 'What’s the story on that?' and they can run to the computer and tell you within five seconds. That’s fine, but sometimes I’d just as soon continue wondering. We have a deficit of wonder right now." - Tom Waits
📅︎ Mar 07
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"A computer lets you make more mistakes faste...

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila" - Mitch Ratcliffe
📅︎ Jan 28
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"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you ti...

"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." — Jef Raskin
📅︎ May 07
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“The computer works...

“The computer works so fast because it does not think.” —Unknown
📅︎ Feb 27
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“Before you marry a person you should fir...

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” ― Will Ferrell
📅︎ Jul 21
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"I'm worried for the day that computers pass the Turing Test, n...

"I'm worried for the day that computers pass the Turing Test, not because they'll be getting smarter but because we will have gotten so dumb we can't tell the difference anymore." -Douglas Rushkoff
📅︎ Feb 08
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"Computers will unders...

"Computers will understand sarcasm before Americans do." - Geoffrey Hinton
📅︎ Oct 15
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"Not even computers will replace...

"Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers." — Edward Shepherd Mead
📅︎ Jan 25
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"There is no reason for a...

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." — Ken Olsen
📅︎ Feb 12
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I hate computers and r...

I hate computers and refuse to be bullied by them. —the Doctor, Doctor Who
📅︎ Dec 02
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Computers in the future m...

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. - Popular Mechanics, 1949
📅︎ Feb 19
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"It took us three years to build the NeXT computer. If we'd given customers ...

"It took us three years to build the NeXT computer. If we'd given customers what they said they wanted, we'd have built a computer they'd have been happy with a year after we spoke to them - not something they'd want now." - Steve Jobs
📅︎ Dec 11
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"My computer beat me at ...

"My computer beat me at chess... so I beat it at kickboxing." — Demetri Martin
📅︎ Sep 03
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The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you ...

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.' -- Jason Alexander
📅︎ Dec 29
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"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of ...

"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose." — Andy Rooney
📅︎ Oct 22
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"I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its c...

"I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." Stephen Hawking
📅︎ Mar 14
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"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most exp...

"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." — Nathaniel Borenstein
📅︎ Aug 13
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Click-and-print computer files are fundamentally d...

Click-and-print computer files are fundamentally different from the written word and merit far less, if any, First Amendment protection -- A.G. Bob Ferguson
📅︎ Aug 22
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"Science is what we understand well ...

"Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else we do." - Donald Knuth
📅︎ Oct 31
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"Computers aren't the t...

"Computers aren't the thing. They are the thing that gets us to the thing."
📅︎ Nov 07
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By 2100, our destiny is to become like the gods we once worshipped and feared. But our...

By 2100, our destiny is to become like the gods we once worshipped and feared. But our tools will not be magic wands and potions but the science of computers, nanotechnology, artificial intelligence, biotechnology, and most of all, the quantum theory. ― Michio Kaku
📅︎ Dec 06
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"Real freedom is having a pornogr...

"Real freedom is having a pornographic wallpaper on your computer and not worrying about it." -Alan Smithee
📅︎ Nov 03
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Only computer g...

Only computer geeks know what it means to be /kicked
📅︎ Aug 08
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a ...

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. - Robert X. Cringely (a.k.a. Mark Stephens)
📅︎ Aug 04
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"I think it says something about human nature that the only fo...

"I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far [computer viruses] are purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." — Stephen Hawking
📅︎ Nov 23
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"If, for some reason, we make some big mistake and IBM...

"If, for some reason, we make some big mistake and IBM wins, my personal feeling is that we are going to enter a computer Dark Ages for about twenty years." - Steve Jobs
📅︎ Feb 01
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A computer once beat me at ...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
📅︎ Dec 07
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'Comics are like boobs. They lo...

'Comics are like boobs. They look great on a computer, but I'd rather hold one in my hand' - Stan Lee
📅︎ Apr 25
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Computers are better than ...

Computers are better than humans, they don't lie, they don't cheat and don't pretend.
📅︎ Jan 18
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"No, I'm not interested in developing a powerful brain. A...

"No, I'm not interested in developing a powerful brain. All I'm after is just a mediocre brain, something like the President of AT&T." - Alan Turing, Inventor of the Computer
📅︎ Oct 13
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"I think there is a world marke...

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, president of IBM, 1943
📅︎ Aug 21
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"If the machine is becoming too ...

"If the machine is becoming too powerfull, just pull the plug" - Konrad Zuse, Inventor of the computer
📅︎ Aug 31
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"To err is human; to rea...

"To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer." — BILL VAUGHAN
📅︎ Sep 28
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I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says somethin...

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. -- Stephen Hawking
📅︎ Dec 25
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There are 3 possibilities to ruin a company: With woma...

There are 3 possibilities to ruin a company: With woman, this is the most charming one. With gaming, this is the quickest one. Or with computers, this is the safest one.
📅︎ Mar 02
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"Until now, citizens were protected from many incursions of bur...

"Until now, citizens were protected from many incursions of bureaucracy because of its sluggishness. Now there's computers that do it all in milliseconds..." - Konrad Zuse, inventor of the computer
📅︎ Aug 25
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Never trust a c...

Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window
📅︎ Feb 23
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Computers are like Old Tes...

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell
📅︎ Feb 07
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"Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing th...

"Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes." Holly (Primary Computer aboard the Red Dwarf)
📅︎ Feb 28
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A computer would deserve to be called i...

A computer would deserve to be called intelligent if it could deceive a human into believing that it was human. - Alan Turing
📅︎ Feb 07
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Computers are usel...

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.—Picasso
📅︎ Jul 10
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"I do not fear compu...

"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." - Isaac Asimov
📅︎ Mar 05
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"The internet has developed this thing about me – and I'm not even a computer guy,...

"The internet has developed this thing about me – and I'm not even a computer guy, you know? I don't know why it is happening. I'm trying not to… lemme say this: I'm now of the mindset that, when in Rome, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." - Nicolas Cage
📅︎ Oct 01
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"A mind with thoughts and ideas is like a s...

"A mind with thoughts and ideas is like a search engine on a computer. But, You must type them in order to get results." - Eric Longoria
📅︎ Jan 31
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"I have always wished that my computer would be as ea...

"I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone." — Bjarne Stroustrup
📅︎ Jun 17
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"What fools we are, to live in of a generation for wh...

"What fools we are, to live in of a generation for which war is a computer game for our children, and just an interesting little Channel Four news item." - Tony Benn
📅︎ Apr 06
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The really forward-looking thing Apple announced was its AirPods. These are actually little comp...

The really forward-looking thing Apple announced was its AirPods. These are actually little computers with all sorts of sensors and they can act as an end-point for Siri. If you think voice is a major part of the future these could be used for a lot more than just playing music.—Benedict Evans
📅︎ Sep 12
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“That’s what’s cool about working with comput...

“That’s what’s cool about working with computers. They don’t argue, they remember everything, and they don’t drink all your beer.” - Paul Leary
📅︎ Nov 05
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Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that...

Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by ‘they’, I mean ‘computers’. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.) - Dave Barry
📅︎ Aug 04
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