Bar Quotes

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender a...

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. ...Rodney Dangerfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16
🚨︎ report

Wash four distinct and separate time...

Wash four distinct and separate times, using lots of lather each time from individual bars of soap. ...Howard Hughes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18
🚨︎ report

"I like sports bars. Sports bars are great because...

"I like sports bars. Sports bars are great because they collect all of the people I don't want to hang out with, and put them in one room." β€” Demetri Martin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09
🚨︎ report

β€œNot all those who walk beh...

β€œNot all those who walk behind bars are evil; not all who walk free are kind.” - Pokopori
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18
🚨︎ report

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so...

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." β€”Drew Carey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24
🚨︎ report

"Amongst all the debate I personally have come to one fundamental conclusion in my own heart of...

"Amongst all the debate I personally have come to one fundamental conclusion in my own heart of hearts: that god is real. However, to think that this god lines up perfectly with what you think, what you are comfortable with, is one of the most foolish and damning ideologies"- drunk guy at bar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26
🚨︎ report

I keep pressing the ...

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19
🚨︎ report

I’m as busy a...

I’m as busy as a one legged man in a bar fight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25
🚨︎ report

"A man who goes to a bar and a man who go...

"A man who goes to a bar and a man who goes to a temple are seeking the same things, more happiness and less suffering." β€”Unknown
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25
🚨︎ report

"Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes ...

"Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink." β€” P. J. O'Rourke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28
🚨︎ report

"Barring that natural expression ...

"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough." β€” Mark Twain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12
🚨︎ report

β€œPromises are like chocolate ...

β€œPromises are like chocolate bars they sound good at first but by the end it’s broken.” -Zigtec
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04
🚨︎ report

β€œYou know what’s an odd feeling...

β€œYou know what’s an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.” - George Carlin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01
🚨︎ report

β€œI don't like jail...

β€œI don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there”
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07
🚨︎ report

"The bar for people is so low these days th...

"The bar for people is so low these days that decent people seem to be superb, while awful people are more and more becoming the norm."
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20
🚨︎ report

"The wild, cruel beast is not...

"The wild, cruel beast is not behind the bars of the cage. He is in front of it." - Axel Munthe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04
🚨︎ report

β€œThere is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is pro...

β€œThere is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Herbert Spencer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13
🚨︎ report

"Just because your voice reaches halfway around t...

"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." β€” Edward R. Murrow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25
🚨︎ report

Getting over a painful experience is much lik...

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - C. S. Lewis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23
🚨︎ report

Two men locked out from pris...

Two men locked out from prison bars, One saw the mud, the other saw stars. --Dale Carnegie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07
🚨︎ report

"A man who goes to a bar and a man who...

"A man who goes to a bar and a man who goes to a temple are seeking the same things, more happiness and less suffering."
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14
🚨︎ report

"In the US, 100 years is a lon...

"In the US, 100 years is a long time, but in Europe, 100 miles is a long way" -Guy from Newark Bar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26
🚨︎ report

As long as the ball rolls ,...

As long as the ball rolls , you should roll with it.β€” heard in New York bar some where .
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06
🚨︎ report

β€œStrength is the capacity to break a Her...

β€œStrength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.”
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14
🚨︎ report

"I think I like my brain best in a bar fight with my heart. I think I like myself ...

"I think I like my brain best in a bar fight with my heart. I think I like myself a little broken, with rough edges, a little harder to grasp. I like poetry better than therapy anyway. The poems never judge me for healing wrong." - Clementine von Ridacs
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02
🚨︎ report

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so...

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19
🚨︎ report

"If you can't ge...

"If you can't get under her, get over her" - Bar Patron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02
🚨︎ report

"I went to the worst of bars hoping...

"I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed. but all I could do was to get drunk again." -Charles Bukowski
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26
🚨︎ report

"Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? ...

"Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that, it's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar!" -Drew Carey Show
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09
🚨︎ report

You know an odd feeling? Sit...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. George Carlin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12
🚨︎ report

"Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about wha...

"Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money." - Donald Trump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26
🚨︎ report

"I do not criticize persons, but only a state of affa...

"I do not criticize persons, but only a state of affairs. It is they, however, who will have to answer for defensiveness at the bar of history." - Liddell Hart, 1933
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25
🚨︎ report

The canary is like a man's soul. It...

The canary is like a man's soul. It sees bars around it, but instead Of despairing , it sings -nikos kazantzakis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25
🚨︎ report

"When someone smells so bad you want to smac...

"When someone smells so bad you want to smack them with a bar of soap and a fire hose! That’s happening." β€” Found on Twitter (@RichHenson13)
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26
🚨︎ report

"The truth is like poetry. And a lot...

"The truth is like poetry. And a lot of people fucking hate poetry." ~Anonymous overheard at a Washington D.C. Bar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11
🚨︎ report

"If you're meeting someone for the first time a...

"If you're meeting someone for the first time after three hours of hair, makeup, and styling, you've already set the bar too high." - Lauren Graham
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18
🚨︎ report

"If you know that platinum won’t melt under about 30000 F. by itself, but will melt at ...

"If you know that platinum won’t melt under about 30000 F. by itself, but will melt at the glance of a pair of deep blue eyes if you put it near a bar of lead, then you don’t know how men make love in the twentieth century.” Raymond Chandler - The Simple Art of Murder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02
🚨︎ report

"Morality is a menagerie; it assumes that iro...

"Morality is a menagerie; it assumes that iron bars may be more useful than freedom, even for the creatures it imprisons" Friedrich Nietzsche
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04
🚨︎ report

"Complaining that a comic is drunk is like ...

"Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist." - Doug Stnahope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24
🚨︎ report

Real diversity requires a diversity of ideas, ...

Real diversity requires a diversity of ideas, not simply a bunch of like-minded activists who resemble the bar scene from Star Wars. - Peter Thiel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18
🚨︎ report

"Life will lead where the pa...

"Life will lead where the path of wants and needs collide" - Some dude I just met at the bar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29
🚨︎ report

A darker quote for y'all: "Give a m...

A darker quote for y'all: "Give a man a bar of gold, and he will complain about not getting more." - /u/FPSXpert
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07
🚨︎ report

You can't think of it as release the bar,catch the bar.There's no release.There's no catch. Becau...

You can't think of it as release the bar,catch the bar.There's no release.There's no catch. Because it's all one.You are not reaching for the bar,because you've already got it. You are not separate from the skill.You are the skill.And it's all part of the same perfect moment-The Gabby Douglas Story
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10
🚨︎ report

"Some people say 'nobody's perfect,' then use that excuse to justify weakne...

"Some people say 'nobody's perfect,' then use that excuse to justify weakness or confusion. They aren't as good at something as they want to be, so to make themselves feel better they set a lower bar for themselves" - Patrick Chapin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01
🚨︎ report

β€œCare like hell! Sit around the bars and drink, and pose, and...

β€œCare like hell! Sit around the bars and drink, and pose, and pretend, all you want to, but in reality, deep down underneath, care like hell.” - Lincoln Steffens, to his staff of journalists.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24
🚨︎ report

β€œNever sit a table wh...

β€œNever sit a table when you can stand at the bar.” ― Ernest Hemingway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17
🚨︎ report

"A girl came up to me in a bar and said she...

"A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be my apple pie. I wish I'd said something cool, but I was stunned." - Jason Biggs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03
🚨︎ report

"In the 80s so many people became ...

"In the 80s so many people became alcoholics because we were told that bars were like Cheers" - Bobby Roberts.
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13
🚨︎ report

"Wait a minute now, I didn't want to be ...

"Wait a minute now, I didn't want to be drunk in public. I wanted to be drunk in the bar. They threw me into public." -Ron White
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20
🚨︎ report